And I Think to Myself....What a Wonderful World

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As spinsters, it is good to try new things, meet new people, and explore new lands. Spread your wings girls. Spread 'em big and far....

Allow me to share my top five most recent adventures/joys/wanttocursethesky experiences that have come from living thousands of acres from home-sweet-home. 

1. Buying a weekly metro pass for $32.00 on a Saturday and having it sucked up by the blimey machine on Sunday. Wow...really got my money's worth out of that one.

2. Refusing to put sunscreen on my legs because I thought to myself, "Gert, maybe your skin will tan this time around. Greater miracles have occurred you know." Three hours later---lobster legs. 

3. Receiving a sea shell as a gift from a lad I met for two seconds who was visiting from Hawaii. Don't worry, I have his card so that I can "meet up with him if I ever make it to the Islands." (Maybe we should start making business cards and pass them out right and left.)

4. Getting my daily exercise from the broken escalators that are probably three miles tall. 

5. Dreaming of being a hip-hop/rap star when I go to sleep because I hear it booming through my paper-thin windows every night of the week. 

What a wonderful time to be alive!

Wishing I could send you all a postcard,

Gert

Why Girls Are Crazy

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Fun Fact:
This week one of our readers email-interviewed us. She asked us things like why we started the blog, about our worst dates, and what will happen when we finally find our King. Check it out here.
End of Fun Fact.

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The focus of this blog generally pokes fun at boys but now the tables have turned. It is time to dissect the female mind.

We are bundles of ticking emotional time bombs.

We salute every male who is brave enough to try and tame the unruly female heart.

Why Girls are Ridiculous:

1. We are unpredictable.

Everything was fine between us yesterday? Well guess what. Today it’s not.

Because…you didn’t send me a “goodnight text” and now I’m all thinking you are not as into this as I am and you were kind of paying attention to other girls at the drive-in and then I saw a picture of my old crush on my phone and am replaying all those memories and why the heck did he never ask me out  but he was kind of a punk and why can’t you just call me instead of texting me because I don’t have all day to sit here and stress out about how committed you are to this relationship. Oh and did I mention I have cramps?

But of course we don’t tell them any of this. 

We just say, “I’m fine.” 

2. We jump to conclusions.

Admit it. The second you start liking a guy you think about the “m” word. Admit it.

3. We are unrealistic.

Sorry, but Mr. Darcy is fiction. No guy in his right mind is going to say, “You have bewitched me body and soul and I lov-I lov-I love you.”

4. We set ridiculous ultimatums.

Ø  “If we haven’t gone on a date by Friday I’m done. I’m never going to call him again."

Ø  Your phone buzzes: “This had better be him if he knows what’s good for him.”

Ø  “If he doesn’t ask me ‘what’s wrong’ when we get in the car then he doesn’t even care about me.”

Meanwhile...

           the boy sits happily on his end thinking all is well.

 YIKES. 

Can you imagine dating us?

Getting really good at being unpredictable, jumpy, unrealistic, and giving ultimatums,

Char and Gertrude 

{CLOSED} Spinster Giveaway!

Giveaway closed. Winner has been contacted. Thank you!
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Whoa. Hold the phone. Spinster Giveaway?! I didn’t even know there was such a thing!

There wasn’t.

Until today.

But not just any old giveaway.

A Spinster necklace giveaway.

This puppy was purchased at a little boutique on Valentines Day. No joke. The powerfully carved ‘S’ will let the whole world know you belong to the sisterHOOD of SpinsterHOOD. It will bring you luck.

And to own the very first Spinster Giveaway prize? Wow. You’ll be able to sell that sucker for like $14.92 on Ebay when we’re rich and famous.

When: 5/19/12 10:00 am -

            5/26/12 10:00 pm MST.

Choose one (or all) of the following to enter:

1) Become a follower of the Spinsters blog: http://aspinstersguidetodating.blogspot.com/

2) Share the giveaway on Facebook, Tumblr, and/or your own blog!

3)   Tweet about this giveaway (be sure to include your twitter account name so we can find you)

Leave a comment at the bottom telling us who you are and what kind of entry you chose to do! 

(Please leave a separate comment for each entry so they can all be counted!)

BOOM! That’s three ways to win this stellar necklace.

Again, please be sure and tell us about each entry in a separate comment so you have as many entries as you deserve:) 

The lucky winner will be chosen at random, announced, and contacted shortly after the giveaway concludes. Good Luck everyone!! 

Spreading the Spinster lov’in,

Gert and Char

P.S. If there is no way to contact you directly from your Google profile then please leave your email address in your comment so we can let you know when you win! Thanks!

Attack of the Hipster

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First of all, this blog has turned us into monsters. 

We no longer live normal lives. We view our dates as "case-studies" to be examined later under the blog, scribble down conversations between girls like mad, and relish when a boy does something ridiculous because we just look at each other and say, "blog it." 


You are welcome for sacrificing our personal lives for the sake of strengthening the HOOD. 

Anyways...

Below is a conversation we recorded recently at a girls night. Mind you, our storyteller U.K. did incredibly funny voices when re-capping her awkward encounter. We will try and do it justice.

The characters:

U.K: A confident, savvy Spinster who has been around the block.
Boy: A radical hipster who has lost sight of reality in his quest to be unique, vintage and going against the current.

{Boy comes and sits down next to U.K. exchanges very little small talk before getting down to the nitty-gritty.}

Boy: What is your passion?

U.K: What?

Boy: Your passion. What is it?

U.K: Um, I don't know...What's your passion?

Boy:People. People are my passion. I love observing people. You can tell a lot about people by just watching them. In fact, I've been observing you all night."

U.K: K, what do you know about me?

{Boy is unable to say anything specific about her so he changes the subject}

Boy: Do you like music?

U.K: Yeah. Do you like music?

Boy: My life is music. Do you know...

{Goes on to name about 8 hipster indie-bands in a row without taking a breath}

U.K: Nope. Don't know any of those. 

{Boy not phased that he is not making a connection but rather proud of himself for knowing so many hipster bands}

U.K: So what else do you do?

Boy: What do you mean?

U.K: Do you go to school?

Boy: No.

U.K: Do you have a job?

Boy: No.

U.K: What do you do then?!

Boy: I LISTEN TO MUSIC!

{Boy slightly concerned that he had not made it apparent enough that his life=indie music. Boy goes back to how he is people-saavy.}

Boy: You know, when I'm around different people I just change who I am. I kind of morph into who I think they would like me to be.

U.K: So you have no personality?

Boy: Are you okay with that?

{Whoa. Girl gett’in sassy and hipster still not understanding the irony.)

Later events include him having a slight panic attack when someone was taking his picture because he is going through a "non-picture taking" phase and fail after fail of picking up cues that U.K. wasn't his hipster bride. Finally, he stood up to leave but before walking away carefully massaged the cushion of the couch where he had been sitting.

Boy: I just can't stand to see my bum mark. You know like when you're sitting on grass and your bum leaves a mark? I just think, "Oh my gosh. I'm so fat."

The End.

Gertrude and Charlotte

Spinsters Take Flight

I went to visit my sisters in the Midwest for a week and it was a treat. 

• Back in the day Char: “The Midwest is boring and flat. Only cows live there.”
• Present day Char: “The Midwest is a hip-hopp’in hipster joint.”

Here are some things I learned while on my adventure:

1. Aebleskivers are a beautiful gift to the taste buds.

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They are basically Danish pancake balls that you can fill with anything you want: fresh fruit, peanut butter, cinnamon sugar... I am totally buying one of these pans and making this recipe. Nutella filled aebleskiver? Please.

2. Dancing with my 2 year old nephew to Ingrid’s Soldier is the best boy-cure imaginable.

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3. Stealing my sister’s brown oxfords was a good idea.

 4. When you hang out with toddlers for a week you start eating like one.

5. If you have razor burn, don’t put a frozen bag of mixed berries under your armpits to help you sleep. You will wake up as a big smoothie.

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True Story.

XoXXoOXxOXooXx

Charlotte

Creepy or Cute

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The funny thing about dating is that two different boys can do the same thing and merit such opposite reactions from the females. “Oh, cute, right?” or “Woof. Creepy!”

For example:

                                                                        

Boy brings flowers to your work.

Cute: You have had a crush on him for two years. 

                                                                                 

Creepy: This boy got your number last night and somehow found out where you work.

                                                                                              

He says you were in his dream last night. 

Cute: You guys are on the brink of dating

Creepy: The only interaction you have had with this boy is catching him staring at you in bio lab.

                                                                                                        

He invites you on a road trip with the family. 

Cute: This shows commitment.

Creepy: You’ve overheard his mom saying, “invite her, this will seal the deal.”

Taking lots of pictures when out together.

Cute: He wants to remember how bonita you looked at the sushi bar.

Creepy: Really, 30 pics have just been uploaded to Facebook without you even knowing they were taken?

Wishing that our cute outweighed the creepy,

Char and Gert

How to Spot a Playa

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An email we received recently:

Hello ladies!

I think you're fantastic and your blog has rescued me from my deepest darkest spinster moods! I have a question-- when is it appropriate for a foxy female to ask a dashing gentleman for his number? How can one tell if that same guy is just a flirt in general-- or even...*gulp*... if he's a player?

Sincerely,

Your hopelessly confused spinster friend

Our response:

Dear Spinster Friend,

In general, it is best to wait for the guy to ask for your number. But that doesn’t mean you can’t flirtatiously help him out…

·      “We should hang out again!”

·      “Call me next time you go to the University men’s soccer game!”

·      “I never see you anymore! Can we change that?”

·      “Can you send me that picture?”

All of these statements should be followed by him saying “Well let me get your number!” You can’t give it to him any easier than that. And if he doesn’t get it, the caveman doesn’t deserve you.

However, if you are hanging out with a bunch of people and the moment is right you can casually ask for it. That’s how groups of guys start hanging out with girls-with one brave member of the group getting the number of a member of the other group. You will then become the ultimate bridge between the groups.

           

How to Spot a Playa:
Player: noun.  Male who wishes to be an all-star in the dating arena. He aspires to be the defender, mid-fielder, and forward all at the same time. His phone is full of numbers and he uses several a day. He may have a morning, afternoon, and evening girlfriend.

Is it possible to tame a player? Perhaps. Nothing is impossible ladies.

Trying to snag a player is high risk, high reward.

Typical player moves:

•  He uses terms of endearment with lots of girls (baby gurl)
• He calls girls late at night to hang out.
•  Gives routine compliments to lots of girls         (Hey-look’in good!)
•  Like Tuesday Tennis boy he has a go-to activity to do with girls (hot-tubbing, Disney movie night, long boarding and slurpiees…)
• Ask around! All females have a secret underground network in which they dish information on other guys. 
• For example: We were waiting in line at a concert the other night with a fellow Spinster and she was telling us about this guy she was trying to figure out. Through the craziest “small world” connection Char had known that he was a bad egg and gave the Spinster the dish on the fella.

Happy Playa Hunting!

Gert and Char

Z-Listing Enemies

 

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 Okay, enemies is a little harsh. Let’s make the umbrella category be Trouble Makers.

In my phone I put a “z” in front of all the names that I don’t want to accidently call or text. Because sometimes when you want to send a text ABOUT someone you send the text TO that person.

People who you should z-list:

o  Your boss

o  Ex-boyfriend

o  Co-workers

o  Pot-stirrers

o  TAs from school

o  Girls who like to spread rumors

Here are some examples of when people did not z-list and disaster inevitably struck:

#1 From one Spinster to Another:

A Spinster was driving past her friend’s house and saw an unwelcome suitor waiting on the porch of the unsuspecting Friend. Hoping to help her friend avoid an awkward situation, the Spinster texted her friend,

“Hey! Stalker Boy is outside your house! Don’t come home!”

….and she accidently sent it to Stalker Boy.

#2 From one Guy to Another.

The pictures on Facebook were just too bad to ignore. Guy had to tell his friend how painfully awkward JOHN’S recently posted pictures were.

“Hey you need to get on FB and look at JOHN’s pictures. They are out of control weird.”

….and he sent it to JOHN.

#3 From Charlotte to BFF

One time I ran into not my own ex-boyfriend, but one of my fellow Spinster’s ex boyfriends. I am not awesomely proud of what I did but I need to share it just to emphasize the importance of “Z-listing”.

This punk of a boy had hurt my friend big time and I was having none of his cozying up to me at this party. He said something about my friend that made me really mad so I took the piece of pizza on my plate and shoved it into his face.

It’s fine. I am an adult.

Excitedly hurrying out of the room, I whipped out my phone to text my friend about my triumph. I start composing the text which went along the lines of:

“Guess who just shoved pizza all over punk boy’s face?!”

I was really excited to hear her response and when she hadn’t replied for awhile I checked my sent box on my phone to make sure it actually sent. Oh it sent alright.

It was sent to punk boy.

In my excitement I accidently put his name in the “to” box and not my friend’s name. 

Who you’re sending a text TO and whom the text is ABOUT are two very different things. So learn from my mistake ladies and start “z-listing”. 

Getting way too many Z-listers in my phone,

Charlotte