Monday, July 16, 2012

Wedding Groupie


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Let’s talk weddings shall we? You’ve been to probably a minimum of 8 this summer. Maybe even been a bridesmaid. So with all this wedding business, where does a Spinster fit in? We’re not quite bitter that it’s not us, but not totally stoked that we’re not the ones running through the tunnel of sparklers. We’re happy, yet have slight internal turmoil. Although you loved the photo booth idea and the personalized jelly beans you got as a favor (which are currently melting in the cup holder of your car) you can’t help but be a critic at weddings.

What would you do differently?
What made the night a smash or a crash?
Would you really have your grandmother sing “L is for the way you look at me” at your wedding dinner?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait a second. You’re single. Why are you planning your wedding?

It is because you, despite all your protests, are a wedding groupie.


Wedding Groupie: noun.
A female who ironically cleaves 
unto all things wedding, despite her singleHOOD status.


Why do we do this to ourselves?

  • Why do we create Pinterest boards filled to the brim with creative lemon and rose centerpieces, ‘smores and Izze drink stations, and antique 20’s hairpins for our 6 bridesmaids decked out in tangerine tango Pnina Tornai tea dresses?
  • Why do we continue to get slightly misty and even ache a little bit every time the bride and groom dance together for the first time, even though we’ve been to at least 2 ½ other weddings this week?
  • Why do we scribble down notes to ourselves about having guests write messages on chalk boards at the reception or sketch out what the ribbon canopy should look like over the coconut shrimp and basil crostini bar?
  • Why do we plan where the photographer should be in order to capture that perfect shot of HIM seeing you in the dress for the first time?


 It’s because we’re hopeless romantics.
It’s because we're slaves for all things cute.
It’s because we’re wedding groupies.

Affectionately,
Gert and Char 

p.s. In order to exacerbate your condition and make sure your wedding is a million times better than the bazillion other ones you've been to this year, we've provided the following blogs/pictures/ideas for your future beautiful wedding. 

1) This blog is out of control amazing. One of our girlfriends is using the different shades of coral idea for our bridesmaids dresses. 


































2) Princess Grace. High waist with lace on top? Yes please. 

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3) Braided updo of the century.


 
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4) Black dresses but switch it up with shoes and flowers for bridesmaids.


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5) Table numbers with pictures of the bride and groom at that age.


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6) The groomsmen.
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We'd give you more but we can't let you fall too far down the wedding rabbit hole. 



Thursday, July 12, 2012

Husband Hunting with a Pillow


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I recently discovered an old pillow that has been passed down my line of sisters. If only I had remembered these tips years ago I could be rock’in me a babe or two!

The pillow has the following instructions:

1. Act bashful.

2. Be cute.

3. Be motherly.

4. Show him that you love housework.
5. Dont argue! He is always right!

6. Dont scold him.

7. Cook special dishes for him.

8. Dont be over-anxious.


9. Show him that you adore children.

10. Dont be sulky.

11. Avoid that boyish look.

12. Dont be too sexy.

13. When you meet his mother, smile!

14. Dont play the field! Concentrate on him.

15. Play hard to get, but not too hard!

16. And if he is the generous type…..grab him!



Hmmm…seems pretty simple.

I believe it requisite to add:
o  “Think before you sass”
o  “Let him have boys nights”
and
o  “Don’t let him know you are secretly   
     husband hunting him.”


Hoping to absorb this pillow’s knowledge while I sleep,

Char 

p.s. WARNING: If you follow this pillow's instructions, you might  lose your personality. 

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Checking Boys Out…from the Library



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My Mom: “Char I am just so frustrated right now!”

Me: “Why?”

My Mom: “I can’t find a good book to read.”

Me: “Dang.”

My Mom: “You know the type of book I’m looking for? The kind of book you can’t wait to snuggle up with again, it’s engaging, you learn things from it…WHERE DO I FIND A BOOK LIKE THIS?”

Me: “Um, Mom? Everything you just said is like dating. But replace the word ‘book' with ‘boy’ and multiply your frustration by a million.”

My Mom: “That would be such a good idea! Treating boys like books! That way other girls could give him a star rating and even make comments online whether they thought he was worth your time!”

Me: “Well that’s a blog post if I’ve ever heard one…”

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Amazon recommendations for you:

The much anticipated, highly advertised, and won’t disappoint you upcoming release of….

The Man of Your Dreams

Summary: A decent aged young man who has a few years left in school but has some sort of direction spends his time working at a law firm doing menial jobs which will look killer on a resume. He’s taller than you, pretty nice face but some assembly required when it comes to being in a relationship. Accomplished runner and loves Indian food. 

(See if you qualify for free shipping!)



16 out of 20 Spinsters found this review helpful

****  random date, October 9, 2012

He was a way fun date. Kept the convo flow’in and smelled amazing but didn't feed me :( Great potential though.

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69 out of 82 Spinsters found this review helpful

***** reasonable old girlfriend  February 20, 2012

Prima boyfriend. Not too clingy but kept me top priority. I had commitment issues so I had to let him go. But he is a great catch!

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4 out of 12 Spinsters found this review helpful

** crazy 18 year old    April 6, 2012
This guy wants to like call me every day. What the heck?! I don’t want a boyfriend!!

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33 out of 49 Spinsters found this review helpful

***** secret admirer June 12, 2012
He is so nice to everyone he meets, looks like a younger George Clooney and possibly takes care of his grandma due to her health. Can you get better than this kid?!?

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Wishing I could track my boy order online to see when it was coming,
                                                                                                                                       
Char



p.s. While driving I saw a guy I thought I knew…

Char: “Mom! I think I know that guy!”
Mom: “When you’re a hammer, anything is a nail.”

What. The. Heck.