Memories of old
boyfriends are like walking into a spider web.
You can’t see
anything, but you feel the horrible, ghostly impression that something is still
encompassing you, despite your efforts to shake it.
Break-ups are tricky. But regardless of the ending,
they all started the same.
You met.
You liked each other.
Somehow exchanged numbers.
Started flirting.
Started going on scooter rides.
Started thinking about each other a lot when you
weren’t with each other.
Started kissing.
Started calling each other cute nicknames that you
thought were clever at the time.
Then the trouble started.
He was acting weird.
You started to feel unsure.
Why wasn’t he calling you back as fast as usual?
You started having DTRs every other week….
….which progressed to once a day…
….which progressed to one of you saying:
“I
think we should take a break”
“I’m just not sure how I feel right now”
“Well, what are you
thinking?”
“I’m
sorry.”
“Are
we gonna start seeing other people?”
To make sense of the haunting
skeletons in your closet, we’ve created a…
Old Boy Toy Do and Don’t list:
Don’t delete their
number.
Do Z-list them.
Don’t throw away all
memorabilia (pictures, notes, old concert tickets)
Do burn at least one
of their possessions they forgot at your house.
Don’t delete them as
a friend on Facebook because that’s tacky. Gotta keep your cool.
Do purge your phone of
saved text messages from them.
Don’t go after one of
his friends.
Do say the name of
the date that is picking you up over and over again so you don’t accidently
call him old boyfriend’s name.
Don’t contact him for
any reason. We are girls. We can come up with good reasons. But don’t do it.
Do at least one
drastic thing after you’ve broken up:
A new hair color
5 new pairs of shoes
Spontaneous road trip
Train for a half marathon
Buy an iPhone
And lastly, remember,
No man is worth your tears,
And the one that is, won’t make you
cry.
Just Kidding.
Go saran wrap his car.
Spraying for spiders,
I love this. And man, I have called a new love interest an old BF's name way, way too many times and it is bad news bears.
ReplyDeleteMan, your blog is perfect in every way. ALSO, that link you posted about the luggage scooter, I DIED. SO great. Don't show my mom that or I'll be getting that for my birthday.
this post speaks to me.
ReplyDeleteditto. another good post, ladies.
DeleteLove it!!! 1 January 2012, I burned ALL the letters my BF had sent me while he was on a mish. Let me tell you...it was totally liberating!
ReplyDeleteI thought of one boy through out this whole post who still haunts me to this day even though I'm married and moved on. I'll admit, I deleted him off facebook. and it was TACKY. We later became friends again and almost started dating again when I became FB official with my husband and he commented on the changed relationship status, "don't worry, I won't delete you off facebook." It was hilarious. I deserved it. love you ladies.
ReplyDeleteWow! Weird timing!!! I was totally at a party last night and ran into my ex's brother! Then HE brought up my ex and started talking about what he's up to and asked why we broke up. Girl's it was AWFUL! He summed it up with inviting me to go to his birthday party. Guess who's not going.
ReplyDeleteNot enjoying my blast from the past.
And then a super cute guy asked for my number! Feel free to pass on that info to your bro, bud! Muahaha ;)
DeleteA new hair color: CHECK! Perfect post gert and char
ReplyDelete