Thursday, May 3, 2012

Z-Listing Enemies

 Okay, enemies is a little harsh. Let’s make the umbrella category be Trouble Makers.

In my phone I put a “z” in front of all the names that I don’t want to accidently call or text. Because sometimes when you want to send a text ABOUT someone you send the text TO that person.

People who you should z-list:

o  Your boss
o  Ex-boyfriend
o  Co-workers
o  TAs from school
o  Girls who like to spread rumors

Here are some examples of when people did not z-list and disaster inevitably struck:

#1 From one Spinster to Another:

A Spinster was driving past her friend’s house and saw an unwelcome suitor waiting on the porch of the unsuspecting Friend. Hoping to help her friend avoid an awkward situation, the Spinster texted her friend,

“Hey! Stalker Boy is outside your house! Don’t come home!”

….and she accidently sent it to Stalker Boy.

#2 From one Guy to Another.

The pictures on Facebook were just too bad to ignore. Guy had to tell his friend how painfully awkward JOHN’S recently posted pictures were.

“Hey you need to get on FB and look at JOHN’s pictures. They are out of control weird.”

….and he sent it to JOHN.

#3 From Charlotte to BFF

One time I ran into not my own ex-boyfriend, but one of my fellow Spinster’s ex boyfriends. I am not awesomely proud of what I did but I need to share it just to emphasize the importance of “Z-listing”.

This punk of a boy had hurt my friend big time and I was having none of his cozying up to me at this party. He said something about my friend that made me really mad so I took the piece of pizza on my plate and shoved it into his face.

It’s fine. I am an adult.

Excitedly hurrying out of the room, I whipped out my phone to text my friend about my triumph. I start composing the text which went along the lines of:
“Guess who just shoved pizza all over punk boy’s face?!”

I was really excited to hear her response and when she hadn’t replied for awhile I checked my sent box on my phone to make sure it actually sent. Oh it sent alright.

It was sent to punk boy.

In my excitement I accidently put his name in the “to” box and not my friend’s name. 

Who you’re sending a text TO and whom the text is ABOUT are two very different things. So learn from my mistake ladies and start “z-listing”. 

Getting way too many Z-listers in my phone,



  1. I would like to add PARENTS to your Z-list. I have sent embarrassing texts to my parents before about my dating life, or hook ups... it's fine.

  2. uggh I hate when these things happen. I'm also super jealous that you had the guts to shove pizza in someone's face.

  3. this is genius because i butt-dial people all the time. i've butt-dialed a couple of A-listers because they were first on the list. wouldn't want that happening to someone who should be on the Z-list.

  4. this may not be date related, but i definitely had an awful experience with this. picture a summer night with a whole lot of nothing going on. four girls sitting in a car. people are bored, ornery, and fights are forming. i meant to send a text to friend j about friend k. the text was something about how k was being a total brat and i just wanted to go home already. yes i pulled the i-know-you're-sitting-right-next-to-me-but-i'm-going-to-text-you-anyways move. problem was that i sent it to k and not j. k got the text, whipped around and said she would take me home immediately. it was as awkward as awkward gets.

  5. This is genius. I am going to do this straight away. I used to list an ex in my phone as simply 'NO!' but my drunk brain remembered that was where to find him. Deleting is sometimes the only way but for everyone else the Z list is my new plan.