Friday, June 29, 2012

Charlotte's Bucket List


To do

Milk a cow.
Have a full blown chocolate pudding fight.
         (I have already had a jello one…
but my legs got stuck together like a mermaid.
Explode something in the microwave. On purpose.
Pay for a stranger’s meal at a restaurant.
Get a picture with someone who is famous.
Be completely irresponsible one day.
Take a cooking class and bake crème brulee and not burn it.
Sit in a natural hot spring
Mush a dogsled
Shoot a bow and arrow at an animal
(But try and miss because that would be so sad if I hit it.
 I would probably cry)
Own a pair of Jimmy Choo flats.
Own a black lab.
Style my hair into dreadlocks for a whole summer.


Jump in puddles during a thunderstorm.
Touch the Great Pyramid.
Swim with dolphins.
Go to a movie by myself.
Give someone my autograph.
It may have been on a check at a grocery store but still…
Have a blog.
Race someone in a car.
         (Do I still have safety-first nightmares about it? Yes.)
Wash my hair in a waterfall.
Wink at a stranger.



p.s. What’s on your bucket list?

Monday, June 25, 2012

Red Flags in Dating


Red Flag: Noun. A social faux pas seen in dating that should scream “WARNING” to you and your future decisions.

Below are what we think are some big time red flags.

His mom cleans his room, does his laundry and buys him back-to-grad-school clothes at Brooks Brothers.
 If prince charming has not been weaned off of mama and that childhood umbilical cord has not been cut, you are in for a treat.

Just wants a bride.

This is a spooky one. It’s like he has a cut-out ready and is just waiting for you to poke your head through. Are you a female? Are you breathing? Perfect. Want to get married?

Not going to school.

You want to marry someone who is smart. You don’t want to have to make tough decisions like house prices, insurance adjustments and child discipline alone. Marriage is a team sport.

Talks badly about ex-girlfriends.

Sure we don’t have warm fuzzies about all the people we used to date, but there is generally a feeling that you both messed up a little. So if he constantly bashes on old girls and everything was their fault you eventually might be added to that “long list of traitors who don’t understand”(Thanks T-Sweezey *) 

Has to look at his phone/FB newsfeed/World of Warcraft status like it’s his oxygen supply.

All we can say about this one is run. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! You want a real boyfriend. Not a virtual reality one.

Mean to the little people.

When we say little people we mean the people who do not give your date any social or monetary advantage such as clerks, waiters, strangers in line at the movie ticket place, children, parking lot attendants…

If your date can’t see that these people are important and that he needs to make them feel a little better about themselves then don’t waste your time.

But these are just a few…What do you think are some big time red flags ladies? 
You have to tell us what to watch out for!

Painting the Town Red,

Gert and Char

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Black Widow in Dating


Memories of old boyfriends are like walking into a spider web.

You can’t see anything, but you feel the horrible, ghostly impression that something is still encompassing you, despite your efforts to shake it.

Break-ups are tricky. But regardless of the ending, they all started the same.

You met.
You liked each other.
Somehow exchanged numbers.
Started flirting.
Started going on scooter rides.
Started thinking about each other a lot when you weren’t with each other.
Started kissing.
Started calling each other cute nicknames that you thought were clever at the time.

Then the trouble started.

He was acting weird.
You started to feel unsure.
Why wasn’t he calling you back as fast as usual?
You started having DTRs every other week….
….which progressed to once a day…
….which progressed to one of you saying:

                  “I think we should take a break”

“I’m just not sure how I feel right now”                       
                                                 “Well, what are you thinking?”
                          “I’m sorry.”

        “Are we gonna start seeing other people?”

To make sense of the haunting skeletons in your closet, we’ve created a…
Old Boy Toy Do and Don’t list:

Don’t delete their number.
Do Z-list them.

Don’t throw away all memorabilia (pictures, notes, old concert tickets)
Do burn at least one of their possessions they forgot at your house.

Don’t delete them as a friend on Facebook because that’s tacky. Gotta keep your cool.
Do purge your phone of saved text messages from them.

Don’t go after one of his friends.
Do say the name of the date that is picking you up over and over again so you don’t accidently call him old boyfriend’s name.

Don’t contact him for any reason. We are girls. We can come up with good reasons. But don’t do it.
Do at least one drastic thing after you’ve broken up:
            A new hair color
            5 new pairs of shoes
            Spontaneous road trip
            Train for a half marathon
            Buy an iPhone

And lastly, remember,
            No man is worth your tears,
            And the one that is, won’t make you cry.

Just Kidding.

Go saran wrap his car.

Spraying for spiders,

Charlotte and Gertrude

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Dangerous Small Talk

Good manners is the art of making those people easy 
with whom we converse.
Whoever makes the fewest people uneasy is the best bred in the room.

Bless. My. Heart.

So I went back to campus because my French professor said he would raise one of our quizzes up a letter grade if we went and ate crepes with the French club.

Merci Monsieur.

So I met up with a girl in my French class and we were talking about school. She asked what classes I was taking. (the classic “we have nothing to talk about so I’ll ask you what classes you’re taking” technique. Very useful on first dates. Anyways…)

I told her I didn't really like my Economics class or the professor because he didn't control the class and he wandered when he lectured and I wasn't learning much. And since we didn't have much to talk about I kept talking about how much I hated this Econ class. At least a good 5 minutes of venting. After I had exhausted the topic I asked her how she decided to come to our college.

"Oh, my dad actually teaches here. Peter Ray? He teaches Economics."

I froze. I felt my face go Swedish fish red and my jaw started to do some ugly twitch movement.

She said "Is he your professor?" And I, being the brilliant person I am, decided that instead of taking it like a Spinster and just apologizing I decide to try and cover it up even more.

"Oh no, no, no, I'm in a DIFFERENT Economics class.”
 "Who is your teacher then?"
"Um.... Backster?"

Wow. Really? Backster? I had literally looked out the window and said the name of the first building I saw. Like she doesn’t know the names of the buildings on campus… Like Backster is a super common name and there’s no way she’s gonna figure out that I have lied…AGAIN. I mean, while I was at it, why didn’t I change his name to “the library!” or “the cafeteria!”. Backster…sheesh.

Then she asked me what classes I had tomorrow. "Econ and Ethics." I couldn't lie. I had already told her my full schedule and she knew I had math and french today so I couldn't frost one more lie onto my social faux pas crepe.

If there is one French term I have mastered it is that.

Faux pas.

So we chatted a little more then it was time for Charlotte to go home and hide under a pile of Econ papers. Oh speaking of which...I hope I get my Econ test back tomorrow. The one Peter Ray will be grading when his daughter comes home tonight....

Yeah. That will be awesome to see that letter grade.

Never thinking before speaking,