Friday, May 31, 2013

All My Bags Are Packed

Want to get a boyfriend?

No better way than by leaving.

Recently, we have found that once you tell the boy (whom you have been waiting six months to ask you out) that you are moving, bam---He will ask you out!


Oh please, by all means. Ask me out now, you little lunatic.

This has led us to believe through deductive (or is it inductive?) reasoning, that one should probably lie about moving and then you will get a boat load of dates.

Let the news spread far and wide. 

Even throw yourself a little going away party.  

Then, cheat the system and STAY (cue best villainy laugh).........these guys won't know what hit 'em. Distance can no longer be their reasoning for not taking you out.

Sure, this sounds shady, but it is a dog eat dog world out there.

Trying to throw you a bone,

Char and Gertrude

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Little Girl in a Big World


Meet our Spinster guest.

You know those girls you look at and you’re like, “Dang. You’re kind of awesome.”

That’s Kylee.

Even though she claims to be little, she is kind of a big deal.

Real, funny and classy.

 What is your “go-to” stay home Friday night movie?
500 days of summer is my go-to movie any day of the week. i know nearly every line, i love zooey, the music is amazing, and i totally relate to tom (i'm the over excited want-to-be girl friend). i can't call myself a true fan if i don't include the harry potter series in my answer, i'm still mourning the end of those midnight premiers. plus i'm in love with that thing you do (breaking my heart into a million pieces, like you always doooo – spinster plug?). i watch a lot of movies on friday night, its fine.

What is (one of) your most awkward boy stories?
i'm trying really hard to think of a good one, but the best i've got is an awkward kiss. and it's mostly just awkward because he's super tall, i'm super short, he really liked me, and i didn't like him. he totally surprised me with the kiss (it was like a bee swarming in for the surprise sting); and then he ran away right after, literally kissed and ran. maybe it was the sprinting away that made the whole thing so awkward. come to think of it, it's actually more hilarious than awkward now.

  What’s your best hair tip?
don't grow old, grey hair sucks. really though, i've had grey hair for way too long now. so i guess my tip is save yourself some salon money so you can get your hair dyed every so often. got to look fresh for all those greying, balding men out there. but if for some reason you're that lucky girl with gorgeous grey-less locks, then my tip is to keep doing what you're doing.

Who is your idol?                                                                                                                      zooey deschanel. her hair (her bangs!), her voice, her clothes, her style, her eyes, her everything. i might have tweeted her once hoping for a response (no such luck). i'm super stoked for the she & him concert (yes, zooey is in a band) and i'm secretly hoping i find a way to meet her. as much as i love zooey, i love my mom more. she is the real idol here, the one that i'm lucky to know and grateful to have.
What makes you mad?
                                                                                                           maybe i should just group this answer into one general word: texting. there's the no text back issue… you don't want to talk to me? fine, but at least tell me to bug off or something. but worse, is the text break-up… you were with me last night but by all means, wait a couple days to do it over text. i love social media (texting included), but it's ruining our social skills and love lives.
What do you wish you could tell guys?
i kind of wish i could tell just one guy in particular that i might really like him and might want something to happen so he should either save me the heartache now or be willing to like me back. why is it so hard to say stuff like that in person?

In one word how would you describe your love life?

What is the best part about being a Spinster?
if being single means i can go to concerts whenever i want, then maybe being single isn't so bad. music is my boyfriend.


Charlotte and Gertrude

Monday, May 20, 2013

A Barn Looks Better Painted


My grandma has told me, ever since I was about 11 years old, that "a barn looks better painted."

 Now, I could barely run a comb through my hair without shrieking in pain (melodramatic much?) and the color pink wasn't allowed if I wanted to hang with the neighborhood goobers--so you can guess that I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about for probably 5 years. 

Well, the tables have indeed turned. One wouldn't have to look too hard to find me at Sephora dropping a hefty sum on makeup or other beautifications. I catch your drift, grandma, and I will try to make you proud.

However, sometimes this whole "painting the barn" thing ain't easy. Sure you might look great in the morning but what happens when you run out the door and the air is so humid you could slice it with a knife? 

Oh yeah, your face falls off! All of your effort profusely sweats away.

What about the time you tried a fierce red lip for your first date with Teddy at the opera? 

I don't care what the commercials say, either your teeth are stained red or you have some sort of filament in the corners of your mouth by the end of the night.  Grody, for sure!

What about the time your wanted a smokey eye for the New Year's Eve party? 

You had an itch and rubbed your eye like crazy. Great, now one eye looks like you were in a fight with Mike Tyson.

Dear Grandma,




Monday, May 13, 2013

Officially 100 years old

There I was.
Tapping away on my computer at work.
You know, like a grown up.

When I heard the most obnoxious sound.

6 junior high kids come screaming, screaming I tell you, by my window. Junior high students have two volumes. Loud and louder. They try to out do each other and get one another’s attention through screeching.

I looked menacingly at them as they plopped their skinny jeaned selves under the tree directly outside my window. After the screeching died down the kissing began. They couldn’t have been more than 15 years old and they all had significant others who they were snuggling with under this tree.

As I went and shut my window in a huff and sat down muttering uncouth things I realized something.

I am officially 100 years old.

Back in the day I would have seen young kids in love cuddling under a beautiful flowering tree and thought, “Oh! Cuuuuute!” but now I use my walker to go shut the window.

Other reasons why I am at an advanced age:

1)          Things are either way too loud or way to quiet. I can’t hear anything anyone says to me but if some music is playing in the office next to me I think it’s way too loud.
2)         I drive the speed limit or lower and if a hooligan drives past me I honk and keep going my grandma pace.
3)         I think things like, “I never did stuff like that when I was in high school” and “I hate how that kid wasn’t very respectful in the line at the movie.”
4)       I go to bed at 8:00.

At least I haven’t start licking my fingers to get papers apart. That’s when we’ll know I’ve gone past the point of no return.

Wagging my wrinkly finger at kids these days,


Friday, May 10, 2013

Spinster Giveaway! {CLOSED}

Dear Hair,
What the heck is your problem? That easy no-heat blow out curl thing is not happening like the girl’s hair on Pinterest. Ain’t no body got time for your sass. I am already 5 minutes late in my getting ready routine.

Enter Stylish Stitching.

Oh no worries now.

This hair just went from cray cray to super hot.

Stylish Stichings is run by our girl Chelsea Markham who is a wonder at all things beautiful. Her bows amp up your outfit like you wouldn’t believe.

Stylish Stichings does to your hair what red lipstick does for an outfit. It takes it to the next level.

Oh, and you get to choose what bow you want here:

Leave a comment with your email saying which bow you want and if you win Chelsea will send it to you. 

That’s how cool she is.

(We are loving our Chevron with teal and gray with mustard polka dot)

We'll draw a winner on 5/17.

Dear hair. We don’t hate you anymore.

Gertrude and Charlotte


I am loving the Grey Sparkly one! So adorable. And who doesn't love some sparkle? I am loving this giveaway :) You girls are the greatest!