Thursday, February 21, 2013

What just happened?

Collier's 1929-07-27  Woman standing while riding a subway, streetcar, or bus, reading When Knighthood Was in Flower, while two men sit behind her, reading the newspaper and ignoring their chivalrous duty to get up and give her their seat. Content: "Old-Fashioned Pete," by Peter B. Kyne.     Artist: Anita Parkhurst  Source: Charles Perrien  Restoration by: Charles Perrien *
Spinsters don't usually curse because it is foul and unladylike. But you know there are moments when it is really really really hard.

Exhibit A:

There I was on my way to work. A man sits next to me. He seems nice enough. He begins to ask me about my book. Fine. I will tell him about my book. I don't mind talking to strangers.

Then he asks what I do. Fine. I will tell him that I have a job, but I won't give any specifics.

He asks where I am from. Fine. I tell him.

Then I see it. The bare wedding finger. Uh-oh. I just thought this was a friendly man trying to make some light conversation before work.

Then it happens. "Could I take you to dinner sometime?"

Yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck times 100 billion!

In my head I want to say....
"What the bleep, man? You are at least 30 years older than me. What do you want to talk about at dinner- How your grandson is STILL older than me? How many young girls do you actually get to go to dinner with you? What are you thinking?"

Instead I replied. "No, I have a boyfriend," because it is a-okay to lie to older men who don't have a clue.

To that he responded, "Oh, that is really disappointing."

Three things run through my mind.
a. Do I look like I am 50 years old? (great. I have lost my bloom.)
b. I should yell and point at this man and say "Spinsters, BEWARE!" (because yes, I will fight fire for all of you.)
c. why didn't the dapper young professional with the rockin' skinny tie sit by me so that I wouldn't have had to deal with any of this? (sigh)

It's fine but mostly creepy,


Wednesday, February 13, 2013

A Spinster's Valentines Day


Well…since Valentines comes on a Thursday and we both work and Char has class that night and Gert lives across the country now…we cannot throw a Single Ladies Bash like we did last year.


But we had to do something special for Valentines Day because it’s kind of a BIG DEAL.

We’re not going to tell you to go indulge in yourself (because we do that every other day of the week)

We’re not gonna tell you to not be sad because you don’t have a hubby to take you on a twinkly light, swanky food, never ending string of “I love you’s” date. (because let’s be honest, that would rock).

Instead, we have created a survey. Choose the answers that best fit you.

Spinster V-Day Survey

I try not to overcompensate for my singleness by being mean to people with significant others. It’s okay. Other people can have fun. Promise.

I awkwardly look at my phone while picking up food for myself on Valentines Day because I want to look like I’m meeting up with… know…someone….later….

I secretly love Valentines Day because that means there are chocolate covered pretzels EVERYWHERE.

I think it’s redundant when people call Valentines Day “Single Awareness Day” because yes, I am already very aware of my singleness on a daily basis. V-Day is no different.

I try not to punch married friends in the head when they ask, “When’s it your turn?”

I put valentines from my little brother or nephew on the fridge so that visitors know I have admirers. Hey, it isn't lying if they just assume you have a boyfriend.

I like reading the Spinster blog more than going to hang out with friends.

I am a fan of all the pink and white and red Valentines decorations hanging around Rite Aid as I wait for my prescription to be filled.

I laugh when people are sarcastic about their not so stellar love life while at the same time Netflix Sleepless in Seattle. It’s like I have a double personality. Love the idea of being in love yet hate love at the same time. Weird.

I’m mad when I “get ready” for the night then end up not going out. Showering=over-rated.

I purposefully avoid Instagram the day before, the day of, and the week after Valentines Day because I cannot, CANNOT see a single solitary gram with you and a ring. Or a heart shaped pancake. Or the daisies he sent you at work. Not a single, solitary gram.

If you said, “That’s me” Or “Yep. Sounds about right” to more than 3 of the above questions you are a Spinster.


Single looks so good on you.

-Charlotte and Gertrude
Valentines '13

Saturday, February 9, 2013

My Heart as a Target

Our beautiful friend Meggers threw the most darling Ladies Valentines Brunch.

Heart plates
Pendants with our names
Paint color samples as utensil holders
Homemade love notes
Crepes from scratch

Then our other beautiful friend wrapped individual cookie packages with notes for each of us.

Needless to say we felt very pampered.

After brunch I couldn’t get over how stink’in cute my girlfriends are. This feeling of gratitude quickly turned into a need to be crafty and stylish myself. A little retail therapy was in order. M’s house was so cute. I needed decorations. And heart plates. And a new mirror. And candles.

Oh, what’s that? Target is 2 blocks away?


As I was holding up a hideous pair of floral skinny jeans up to myself in the clothing section I heard a, “Char!” I look over and it was Joce. She confessed that she too felt the need to be as cute as our friends and had a shopping basket brimming with oxfords, new lipstick, and other things I wanted to steal from her basket. We laughed that we both needed retail therapy after such a darling morning.

I went to the shoe department to try on the oxfords I just saw Joce had when I heard, “Char!”. T’was Linds. Equipped with new white frames she too had been bitten by the decorating bug and had felt the need to spend money to boost her spirits.

We laughed and called Joce over. As the three of us were laughing at how ironic it was that we all ended up needing retail therapy, who should come around the corner but our other friend Mar.

Four of us had ended up at Target in an attempt to be as talented and crafty as our friends.

Hoping to absorb my friends' awesomeness by osmosis,

p.s. My Target experiences did not bestow mad Pinterest talent upon me but they did bring me these little beauties. Thank you Target for existing. You make my life a happier place.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Founder of the Mouse Graveyard


Ahh…the holidays.  A great time to sit back, relax, and balance your freaking checkbook.


One THOUSAND dollars down the hatch last month?

I wish with all my dreams that I had spent that money on this.

But instead I got to spend it on my car.

Oil Change

And then the little surprise that came in my air filter.

A little unexpected bundle of cash was dished out to the car place when they found a DEAD MOUSE in my air filter.

MmmMmmMmm….nothing like breathing in dead mouse for who knows how long. My favorite.

But the best was when I was telling Gert about this on the phone she interrupted me and said, “Can I get a bag?” to a cashier. It’s okay. She was shopping. Wish I had spend my money on something fun instead of funding a mouse graveyard.

Someone told me one time though that every time something annoying happens it’s secretly a blessing. Let’s try it, shall we?

Ø  I’m thankful I have auto bills to pay because that means I have a car.
Ø  I’m thankful my hair snarled around my elastic band this morning because that means I have hair.
Ø  I’m thankful I burned the living blazes out of my hand on the soup pot today because now I smell like Aloe Vera and I’m pretending it’s summertime.
Ø  I’m thankful I am sick tonight because I have been reminded about the beautiful restorative powers of Coke (straight up regular Coke. No DC.)

Posting a “No Vacancy” sign on the bonnet of my car,