Friday, November 15, 2013

Hi, I'm Char and I'm Awkward


I feel like I am a pretty socially savvy person. I can pick up on subtle hints of when someone wants to wrap up a conversation or if someone is in a bad mood and to ask them how to unjam the copier another time. I’ve even been known to get a date or two.

But there is one place where my social skills seem to fly out the window.

The wedding greeting line.

Even if it’s one of my best girlfriends who is getting married, I am a goob.

It starts when I pull up to the reception place. I really should learn to start going to weddings with a wing woman. I don’t know why I think I’ll be fine walking in by myself because I’m not. I either have a huge coat when it’s hot out or didn’t wear something warm enough in the Fall. So I’m fidgeting with my outfit when the heavy breathing starts.

It’s like I think that there are going to be goblins when I walk in. What if I don’t know anyone there? What if I do know people there and I secretly want to avoid them? When do I leave? Now? No. I have to say hi to at least the bride. Or her mom.

I look frantically for a book to sign or a bridal picture to stare at longer than normal until I see someone I know.

Once I find someone to stand in line with me I get way too uncomfortable. My hands get clammy as I tell the person I’m with for the second time that I hope they play Single Ladies.

Then when it’s my turn at the line…terrible things happen.

One time I was too eager and jumped in front of the group and started talking to the couple then when my friends behind me started talking to the couple I found myself face to face with the groom’s parents whom I’d never met before and I called their son the wrong name. Multiple times.

Another time the bride’s s dress scratched my arm something fierce and I started bleeding.

And my personal favorite, I hugged my friend’s groom and my necklace got stuck on his top button and we were stuck. It would have been funny if I was able to untangle myself quickly but we ended up needing a third person to detach us. If you’ve ever been stuck on someone’s top button you realize how close your faces are. Hope you two have a fun honeymoon! As soon as I release your husband!

Hi, I’m Char, and I’m awkward.

Never, ever going to another wedding again….this week.


Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Hi, I am in a band and I am totes cool


Sometimes guys invite themselves over to your apartment and bring their whole drum set with them.

Friday night. Making dinner in my apartment. Phone beeps. New text message. (Do these fragmented sentences bug you yet?)

Show-off boy: “Hey, what are you and your roomies up to tonight?”

Me: “I just got home and it looks like my roommates are already out. What are you fellas up to?”

Show-off boy: “My roomies are gone too. Wanna hang out? We could paint the town red.”

Me: “That would be fun. Maybe we could grab a treat or something.”
(Sorry I like treats and sorry I didn’t want this to turn into a marathon evening. I thought maybe we could chat over hot chocolate for an hour and call it good.)

Show-off boy: “How about we have a jam session? I will bring my drums over in 20 minutes.”

In my head: Um, no. I don’t want him to come over because I am exhausted from the longest day of work and I really do want a treat and my cupboards are empty.

Me: “Ok, that should work. I just can’t be up super late.”

He comes over and we take 50 trips from his car to my apartment to bring all of his drumming gear into my living room. I guess when he said, "we should have a jam session" he really meant, I will play 50 songs that you will thoroughly enjoy listening to. I'll be honest, he is a good drummer. But 2 hours, pal? Not impressed. 

He left at 1:00 in the morning and I didn't even get a treat.

So now I need to drive to Wendy's and get my own cursed frosty.