J. Crew: The shrine of beauty, the bane of my checkbook

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We all knew it was inevitable didn’t we?

We just had to talk about it.

J. Crew.

Now, for veteran J. Crew shoppers I could have just said the name of the store and ended the post. There is nothing more I can say.

However, this post is for potential and/or rookie J. Crew shoppers. Before you set foot into this obelisk of fashion, there are a few things you need to know.

1.   J. Crew names their clothes.

The “Betsy” blazer. The “Anna” pant. “Jenna’s” cashmere boyfriend cardigan.

Why is that a problem you ask? Well…If they name their ankle cut “perfect for every day of the week” black pants something like Darcy, it automatically makes you think of Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice and then you have to buy it…

Clothes that have names makes them more endearing and if you don’t buy them it’s like staring at a lost fluffy baby kitten. You have to buy it.  It has a name. It has feelings! So while our tender hearts gently carry the item to checkout, corporate J. Crew reels in the Benjamins.

And I mean BENJAMINS.

Because every fairytale needs a villain doesn’t it? So remember, while you’re walking around the perfectly lit store with its comfortingly perfumed air and saintly colored and textured fabrics, remember there is a scoundrel afoot.

The cash registrar.

Don’t be deceived my young rookie shopper. The cashiers decked in perfect J. Crew outfits with their perfectly cut bangs are about to utter something truly hideous.

2. Your total.

Who knew numbers could be painful?

But let’s be honest ladies, pain is beauty. Pain is beauty.

3. And then there’s the “personal shopper” option. Someone to do the shopping for you? That’s like baking a cake and then hiring someone to eat it.

4. Let’s not even mention the 13 emails a week you get from the store. I try to squint as I delete them so that I don’t accidently see something I didn’t even know I needed and go ahead and spend two weeks worth of groceries with one simple click of the mouse.

J. Crew. The shrine of beauty, the bane of my checkbook.

Keep shopping,

Char and Gertie

p.s.  There is this delicious blog dedicated to all things J. Crew. It tells you when sales are, gives discounts, and tells you what fabulous outfit you should wear to your next “holiday party”. Dang it. There goes my next pay check….

Communication, a girl's best friend

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Alright ladies, I do not write this post to badger with more relationship chatter but just indulge. Please.

We hear all the time about how a relationship is based on communication, communication, and more communication. Personally, this makes sense, but the horror lies in the fact that this responsibility lies on the female. I don’t think that this trait is present in the male mind-I would like to be proven wrong.

Here are the definitions of the many types of “male communicators”.

These are in no order of importance. All are equally lame.

1.        The Messenger Pigeon: a guy who tells his friend to tell your friend to tell you to come watch their basketball game. This guy will literally send a messenger pigeon to your door before he will talk to you face to face.

2.        The Techno Turd: Facebook, Twitter, texting, instant messaging, and e-mail are all a favorite for this go getter. He is not afraid to talk as long as his fingers are doing the work.

3.       The Silent Stallion: (Ideal for a date). Easily defined. He is silent.

4.        The Ambiguous Amateur: this guy is always eager to make plans. Examples: “We should do something soon.” “Oh, you like tennis? We should play sometime!” or “I will call you this weekend.” All sound promising but lead to let down because this guy has no idea what he is doing.

5.       The Freaky Fiasco: these are the guys you catch staring. Now I will be the first to admit that it is flattering to catch a guy stealing a second peek as he walks by. But this guy knows no limits. He lingers and he stares. No one knows exactly what he is communicating….

Maybe it is left for us to communicate. Let’s be real, are DTR’s ever started by a male?

Big kiss, little kiss, big hug, little hug,

Char and Gert

TLC: Weird, Weirder, and Weirdest

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It’s disgusting how much we like this t.v. channel. When the creators of TLC sat down together to think of what they’d like to have their channel be about, I’m pretty sure the consensus was to make sure that everything that happened needed to be eccentric.  And then the next time they met they thought, “How can we make this next season even weirder?”

And. We. Love. It.

The reason we like it so much is because the people on the show are nothing like us.

 It’s a constant parade of peculiar behavior and we eat it up like a berry parfait.

Let’s review 4 of the shows:

What not to wear

Two consultants, Stacy and Clinton, take people who have been voted by their friends and family as having the ugliest wardrobe in the country. Like fairy godmothers, they turn these sad, saggy, sloppy people into confident, beautiful happy people. It’s like Cinderella but without the singing mice.

Four weddings

Four brides duke it out to have the most fabulous wedding and the winner gets a killer honeymoon. While one of the four brides walks down the aisle, the other three sit in the crowd and talk about how her dress isn’t that cute, the buffet food was a little salty, and the reception hall was too cold. But the three critics are soon put on the pedestal and judged just as harshly at their own weddings.

There is something deliciously wrong about rating other people’s weddings.

And as Spinsters, we get to do it on a regular basis.

Say yes to the dress

Kleinfelds: A wedding dress store in Manhattan. Hundreds of high maintenance girls from all over the country coming in with daddy’s checkbook. Dress selection. Unlimited budgets. Alterations mayhem.  Tears. Happy Endings.

Could this show get any better? But once again, we love this show because we are nothing like these prima donnas. They throw fits because their wedding dress budget is only $18,000? It’s like a train wreck. We can’t look away. We all love Randy too. 

Extreme couponing

These people don’t use their garages because they have three years worth of toothbrushes, dish soap, deodorant, Halloween candy, bottled water and other miscellaneous objects organized into neat dividers from floor to ceiling. Look around the room you’re sitting in right now, find an object, and they probably have a million of it. The extreme couponers will go to registers with over $2,000 dollars worth of stuff and end up paying $3.29.  I find myself internalizing the show and thinking, “I need to start clipping coupons!” but then I realize I have to go to the post office, return an ugly sweater to Old Navy that I accidently bought and write a paper for my humanities class that is due tomorrow (it was assigned 3 weeks ago. Why do I always leave things to the last second?! What was I doing for those 3 weeks?!?)

Oh yeah…watching extreme couponing.

Happy watching!

Gertie and Char

NBA Lockout: An answer to a Spinster’s prayers

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Since there is so much news running around about the NBA lockout, we thought we’d share our professional opinion on the subject.

Something about millions.

Something about billions.

Something about every weekend night suddenly wide open for males ages 18-180.

What we’re trying to explain ladies is our prayers have been answered.

No more men getting together to “watch the game” while you sit at home waiting for their phone call, no more trying to keep eye contact with your date while he looks over your shoulder trying to see what “the score is” on the tv blaring in the background of the restaurant, no more mood swings after their team loses….

Needless to say, it’s a beautiful thing.

Now we’re not saying we hate basketball or sports in general. We’ve even been seen at professional sports games with a churro in hand. All we’re trying to say is that the 1,429 hours that men used to spend watching pre-game shows, the game, halftime reports, and post game shows are a thing of the past.

Goodbye ESPN, HELLO Friday night dates.

Always cheering you on,

Gertie and Char 

Fitness

 Now ladies, we all know we’re young and fit and eternally beautiful. But let’s face it. One day Mother Nature will plot against us and we must be prepared. We have found a work out video to keep your lovely visage looking spot on.  The famed Greer Childers teaches us how to secure the fountain of youth for our face.

Enjoy,

Gertie and Char