Piggy Bank Woes

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I have gotten into the somewhat tacky habit of texting myself reminders. Actually I don’t even send them because reading texts from yourself seems a little desperate. I save them all as drafts and look at them later because I’m not rich enough to afford a smarty pants phone that makes you breakfast in bed and helps you with Algebra. It’s not that I don’t have a healthy income. I really do. It’s just my savings seem to go through a sieve of seemingly harmless purchases.

Red Box? Oh please…that’s only like a dollar. I can get that!

        Caution: This justification only works

         if you go to Red Box once.

         Not if you rent romantic comedies

         back-to-back…to-back-to-back…

Consignment Stores? Oh yeah. I can for sure afford that vintage silk blouse.

         I go into these second hand shops 

         thinking everything is free.

         Turns out I spend more at these places 

         than I do at Nordstrom Rack.

Tropical Twist Trident Gum? 4 for $5?! Done.

         Wow. The store clerk has to restock 

         after I see signs like that.

         Congratulations Target marketing team. 

         You won.

 But as Gertie always says…

 “You’re single! You owe it to yourself! Get two of ­­__insert splurge here!”  

…and you know what? She’s right. This advice is especially pertinent when it comes to clothing/accessories/shoe shopping.

It’s an investment.

Not like we’re husband hunting or anything we’re just…okay so yeah we are but it’s fine.

Nothing is more beautiful than confidence right?

Just turns out our confidence has a little bit of a price tag. 

From Anthropologie.

Hoping you are quite well in body and spirit,

Charlotte

Defining Your Daily Life

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It’s been awhile since we’ve given some vital definitions.

We apologize.

Hipster

1.                    Proper noun.

a.    A person who got confused and embraces out of date artifacts such as records, high-waisted pants, the color mustard and coke bottle glasses and somehow pulls them off.

See also Urban Outfitters,  indie music and graphic tees.

“Shut up!”

1.             A phrase of the verbal nature.

a.    Something you yell when you are really excited or disgusted about something.

                              Ex:

·      “You got kissed last night?! SHUT UP!”

·      “You got that for $8?! SHUT UP!”

·      “You’re going to D.C. for the summer? SHUT UP!”

b.    The best way to silence your 6:55 a.m. alarm clock…

                                      …besides smashing it.

Girls Night Out

1.           An outing of the female class.

a.    An excursion made up of girls who want to escape the pressures of work, exercising and boys.

b.    Dominate topic of conversation: boys.

c.     Dang it.

DTR

1.             Acronym for “Define the Relationship”.

a.    A conversation that is generally initiated by the female at some milestone in a relationship.

b.    Typical phrases include:

·      “What are we?”

·      “Are we seeing other people right now or…no?”

·      “Well I thought since we’d kissed we were dating…”

·      “What do you mean by “open relationship?”

c.     Side-effects usually include pit in stomach, violent frustration, numb shock and 12 back to back playings of John Mayer’s single, “Friends, Lovers, or Nothing.”

Always Educating,

Gertrude and Charlotte 

Coldplay's Paradise, African Style

This song gave me the chills. The Piano Guys+Alex Boye=Money. Download their free MP3 here.

If I Can't Have...

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If I can’t have….                                                    

     Waffles for breakfast every morning…

              At least I can have….

                            2 strawberry pop-tarts between 

                                   Bio and Writing 220.

If I can’t have….                                                   

     A date with a boy taller than me…

            At least I can….

                         See over the crowd at Taylor Swift concerts.

If I can’t have….                                                    

      Straight A’s…

                       At least I can have….

                                  Better eyebrows than the professor.

If I can’t have….                                                     

      A full tank of gas…

                    At least I can have….

                                     A full tank of sass.

If I can’t have….                                                    

    A closet chock full of J. Crew clothes…

            At least I can have….

                        J. Crew magazine clippings wallpapering 

                                   my bathroom mirror.

If I can’t have…

            My hair dyed every month

                        At least I can have….

                                                Messy buns be in style.

If I can’t have….                                                    

A boyfriend…

                                    At least I can have….

                                                            A killer blog.

Forever Yours,

            Gertie and Char

Lost in the Woods

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This weekend I got my “woodsy” on and went to a cabin up in the mountains. Cabins are great at making you realize how much you like your own house. For instance, I could go months without ever thinking twice about how I have a toilet that flushes in my house. 

No outhouses for this spinster.

But all in all the trip was refreshing. It gave me an excuse to wear my “going to cabins flannel button up that I got from the men’s section of H&M.” I always buy items like that thinking I will all of a sudden enjoy sleeping in the outdoors.

The outdoors are great for rocking some good trail running and even the occasional recreational sport such as roasting smores. Yes. Roasting smores is a sport which I am still a rookie at. It’s fine. But the outdoors is, as its name suggests, OUT DOORS. And when you venture to the outdoors that generally entails driving.

Driving. It seems simple enough right? Gas pedals, turning signals, directions…

Wait. DIRECTIONS?!

Oh heavens no. Please no. The dreaded “d” word. The part of the cerebral cortex that Mother Nature failed to insert into the female cranium.

So there I am right? Driving down the canyon from my woodsy cabin experience. My lined sheet of paper clenched in my overly anxious right fist with elementary like pictures telling me which way to turn. These drawings were graciously drawn for me by one of my direction savvy friends at the cabin.

Direction savvy friend: “…and then after you follow all these directions you’ll just be at the freeway.”

 Non-direction savvy me: “Oh. Okay.”

Direction savvy friend: “So you know how to get home from there?”

Me: “Oh yeah! Yeah for sure.”

My foolish pride and overly confident perception of my driving skills prohibited me from asking the simple questions that could have saved me.

Once I got to the crossroads to get on the freeway I saw two options. One would take me home and the other would take me to the most podunk town that is probably not even on Google maps.

Guess which one I took?

I drove THIRTY MILES in the complete opposite direction which I consequently had to backtrack and get on the right freeway, totaling a SIXTY MILE detour. (Yes I did have to pull over in Podunk town and the gas station attendant was very kind and didn’t treat me like the infant I was being.)

Directions are for the birds.

I have the same problem in the mall when they have those little red dots on the map of the mall that say, “You are here”.

Of course I’m here! I know I’m right here! I need to know which way Express is you fool!

And while I stand there yelling at the mall directory every other human is finding their way around this planet quite nicely.

Lost but looking lovely,

Charlotte 

It's the most "EnGaGiNg" time of the year

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Some have inquired about how it feels to be a spinster over the holidays. We would love to answer your questions. In fact, keep them coming. Our wealth of knowledge is meant to be shared because "with great power comes great responsibility."

The holidays.

They were great.

Eggnog, woolly socks, presents from Barnes and Noble, movie marathons....a spinster couldn't ask for more.
Yes it was awkward trying to dodge the ole' relations' questions of "Now are you seeing anybody these days?"
But our strategy has been perfected.

"(Cue: Nervous laugh) Oh....enough about me, I hear your daughter got engaged, let's hear about it."
        Perfect for moving the attention off of you and it couldn't make the relation happier as they get to talk about themselves.

"Ya know, just dating around."
        Now careful with this one as it could potentially backfire. You will need a list of names of these fellas and if you only have one, or in very sad cases zero, you must backpedal like your life depends on it. And that is not classy. Keep it classy.


"I have just been really busy with school/work/ummmmm yoga/Nick at Night. Dating is just not really a priority right now."
       This leaves you looking like a well-rounded, busy individual whose social life has been tossed aside for one of educational/monetarial/physical/cultural reasons (If you call Happy Days and Boy Meets World cultural.)


And finally, if it gets really bad, lie! Falsehood your way out of the problem.

Relations are great and we love spending time with them, but hopefully these one liners will get you out of some sticky situations in the future.

New Years, as always, was a treat. This year was slightly different then others as we both had at least a baker's dozen friends get engaged.  (Thus our post title).

One was proposed to in the Swiss Alps-that's normal.
Another, on a yacht-also normal.
Yet another, under the fireworks.


For once, I want to hear about a proposal happening in a J. Crew store (Char's dream!) No more of this yacht garbage!

So yes, all in all, it was a delightful holiday. Some girls were extra good and got some diamond rocks on their fingers for Christmas. But we are content with our Scrabble Expansion Pack.

You're always welcome for a Saturday night Scrabble Scrimmage Session.
Kisses,

Char and Gertie

5 things that are simply exhilarating to do by yourself

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One thing about being a Spinster is that you don’t always have someone with you all the time. A “wingman” as it were. But who says you can’t go out and have a good time on a Tuesday, Monday or even Saturday night? Below is a list of 5 things that are, as the title suggests, “simply exhilarating to do by yourself.”

And remember, if you start to waiver and think, “What if someone thinks I’m weird?” All you have to remember is….

Nothing is more beautiful than confidence

1.     Go to a movie.

And I mean go to a movie. No red box’in it with take out Chinese.

2.     Be completely phoneless.

We’re all guilty of it. The second we feel uncomfortable whether it be at a party, riding the bus, standing in line, or the person we’re with sees someone they know, resist the urge to swipe your phone out of your canvas bag.

Everyone knows you’re not really texting someone so you might as well keep your eyes forward, smile and be the most graceful woman in the room. 

3.     Go feed the ducks at the park.

Ducks are more like humans than you realize. But to find out how, you’re just gonna have to go try it.

4.     Go to a nicer restaurant.

I say nicer restaurant because that means you can’t bust out a book and start reading, acting like you are very busy. Drink in the atmosphere. Relish your meal. Appreciate the music. And if you’re super brave, send your compliments to the chef.

5.     Go to a museum.

It doesn’t even have to be super swanky.  A lot of smaller museums have “free admission days” or discounts or may be straight up non-profit. As you wander through looking at art or sculptures or stuff you have no clue what it is, breathe deeply and think about how you’re beautifying your mind.

Needing a “buddy” or “someone to go with” is a thing of the past.

We have officially cut the umbilical cord to you and your insecurities.

Enjoy your newfound freedom,

Ever yours,

Gertie and Char