Dear college tennis team member I’ve never met,
Thank you for calling me. Unfortunately I will not be able to “cover” for the other girl that dropped out of your match for tomorrow.
You see…I actually don’t play tennis.
Well I do. I’m actually quite good but only when I play with my friends and pork burritos are on the line for the winner. I can’t play in front of a bunch of strangers who actually are competitive and want to win.
Also, I only joined the college club to put it on my resume.
Sorry for being tacky,
p.s. Please take my name off your calling list so I don’t have to have a repeat of our last awkward conversation.