Thursday, February 16, 2012

Spinster Dating Tips: Part Uno

 Disclaimer: Before you read a word of this post you must recognize that we are not experts. We are, after all, Spinsters. If we were experts this blog would not be titled “A Spinster’s Guide to Dating” it would be titled “A House Wife’s Guide to Becoming a Domesticating Vision”. However, we have had multiple readers ask us to actually give some tips for dating. So…here it goes.

Part I: In the Beginning

How to talk to boys

*    It is ideal for a mutual friend to introduce you as that diminishes the fear factor. However, if such a beautiful opportunity does not arise, and you are left with only mere acquaintances, go over and say hi to mere acquaintance and then introduce yourself to everyone, especially target boy.

*    Have something in mind to say if you’re nervous.
§  One of our “go-to” sayings is offering to help do something.
§  If you see a guy helping clean up the house after a party, say, “Can I help?” and introduce yourself.
§  If he is carrying something/getting food ready, offer to help and again, introduce yourself.
There is always something you can bring up. If you’re at the beach or swimming you can ask if they were ever on a swim team or took diving or talk about how you always lose at Marco Polo.

If you bring things up, then people usually have something to say too. And if they don’t then you might want to check their pulse.
You don’t want to date a corpse.

Tips on how to get the guy to ask for your number.

One of the most amusing things to experience is the look on a guy’s face when he realizes he should probably ask you out.

He thinks it’s his idea.

Little does he know you have literally performed the greatest circus act of all time throughout the night in order for him to get your number.  

The Clinchers

*    Pay attention to him!
            Guys act like they could care less but really, they are just as emotionally hungry as you. If he tells a joke, you laugh. If he tells a story, be riveted. If he says he’s hungry, your stomach should growl.

            Pet, pet, pet that little ego.

*    The elbow squeeze
            Wow. The most underrated move in dating. If you’re talking and he teases you or you go up to ask him a question give the old funny bone a gentle squeeze. This shows him you are closer than he thinks.

Word of Caution: You need to have talked to the guy before making this move. Strangers do not like their elbows being touched.

*    Figure out something you have in common or would like to have in common. (i.e. skiing, bowling, basket weaving).  When he brings up that he enjoys ice curling it’s amazing how quickly you recognize the tremendous void in your life of such a sport.  
“Oh my gosh! I’ve always wanted to go ice curling!!!!”

If you can say that without cracking up, you are a true expert.

But seriously. Show interest in things that he likes or you suggest something new and say you’ve always wanted to go to that new burger joint.

And in the end if he wasn’t quick enough to pick up what you were putting down, danc’in to your beat, mow’in your lawn, etc… he wasn’t worth your time.

You are a treat and there are bigger fish to fry.

Happy fishing!

Charlotte and Gertrude

p.s. to be continued at a later time with juicy details of how to act on the first date in order to snag a second. After're on your own. Because we're clueless...

1 comment:

  1. Why do I always find myself laughing out loud to these hilarious posts? You are so funny. The best is the picture on this post because Gwen thought it was you. So even better because you have always wanted to learn how to fish right...if the boy you like does :)