Ask a Spinster: Purse Must-Haves and Movie Theater Cuddling

Recently we have been asked a plethora of questions by fellow Spinsters that we feel we need to address. We love nothing more than getting questions and answering them to the best of our master-mind abilities.

If you have a troubling question, concern, or want to share a horrible story/want to vent then tip tap to your heart’s content and leave a comment or email us at:

spinstersrus@gmail.com

We will respond as sassily as possible.

Question #1

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Spinster 1: “I want to know what is in your purse(s). What should I always have on hand to keep the boys a comin'?”

Gert and Char: Every girl should have a “Mary Poppins purse” that has everything you need all the time. But our go-to purse ingredients include:

1. Natural Ice chapstick. No man in his right mind wants to kiss an ooey gooey bright red lipsticked face. Gett’in all dolled up for a girls night is great but on a date, keep this eco-friendly, soothing, balm on hand. Nothing says, “kiss me you fool” like healthy, happy, lipstick free lips.

            2. Emergency bobby pins/hair elastics. Your trendy blowout curls experiment could go bad at the slightest drop in humidity. Keep extra hair stuff on hand in case you get caught in a rainstorm/play ultimate Frisbee and need to spruce up real quick. We want you looking prima, not prima donna.

           

            3. Socks. Huh? No. For reals. How many times does your date, bless his heart, spring activities on you that involve socks and you are unprepared in your Sperrys, Toms or flippy floppies? You need socks for bowling, ice-skating, hikes, roller-blading, horse-back riding, curling, tree-climbing, spelunking…okay too far, but you always need thin, long socks.

            4. Reading Material. Probably not for dates (unless it gets really bad, and not even then) but when you’re waiting for the bus, sitting in the hall before class, or registering for a new drivers license. Nothing says, “Come talk to me because I am a highly informed, on top of it, well educated feline who happens to be extremely attractive” than a good book in hand. It’s an easy thing for guys to bring up as a conversation starter and shows off how sophisticated you are.

Let him fall in love with your brain. It’s ok.

Question #2

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Spinster 2: “How do you cuddle in a movie theater?”

Char and Gert: Quite simple. You don’t. It is virtually impossible.

Let’s start with armrest position shall we?

Swanky movie theaters will have options of lift-able armrests while other theaters are super old school and have armrests dead bolted to the milk dud infested floor.  

If your date has the benjamins then you’re probably at a nice theater.

Do you lift the arm rest? Does he? When do you lift it? Before the show starts? During previews? When the show gets scary?

It all depends on the message you want to send. If you want to be Wonder Woman Brave you lift that arm rest up right when you sit down and act like it’s no big deal. Let the magic happen from there. But if you are unsure or want to let him drive this train just sit down and be content with what he does.

The Move

Listen. We’re not in 7^thgrade anymore. No need to coyly slide your hand close to his and make it 100% easy for him to take your hand. If he wants to hold your hand then he will man up and take your hand, regardless of where you’ve placed it. Or if he’s been a real gentleman and has asked you on multiple dates you can go ahead and take his hand. But dang girl that takes moxy!

So say he grabs your hand and you put your head on his shoulder. Within ten minutes your hands will be so sweaty you could create a swamp and his arm will be dead. What part of dead arm makes him want to ask you out again?

As you can see, movie theater cuddling is more trouble than it’s worth.

If you want to cuddle, watch a movie at your house.

Or go spelunking.

Pretending to know the answers,

Gertrude and Charlotte