For embarrassing reasons we are not going to divulge, we have decided that everyone needs to start wearing small traffic signs around their necks indicating relationship status.
(Listen boy, how was I supposed to know you had a girlfriend?! You were talking to me! Don’t talk to me unless you have motives to date me. It messes with my mind too much.)
This traffic light procedure would be incredibly helpful at parties. That way you would know what boys to leave alone and what boys you should get your flirt on for.
Side note: Dear married people. We love having you at parties. BUT STICK WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER! If you are by yourself you look eligible.
You should wear green if you are:
Not currently dating someone
Would like to be dating someone
Would like to cuddle with someone
Would like a first date
Want to be flirty, even if just for tonight
You should wear yellow if you:
Have gone on multiple dates with the same person
Are interested in starting to date said person
Have recently kissed someone but not positive you’re gonna date them
Not super interested in meeting new people because you have to deal with the hot mess that’s already in your social life.
You should wear red if:
Someone calls you ‘boyfriend/girlfriend” or “husband/wife”.
Possible Additions to Relationship Road Signs
Some 3rd party should assign additional signs such as:
§ Hazards lie ahead
§ Multiple Delays
§ Turn Back Now
...to boys who are bad news.
That would have saved us a lot of time. And embarrassment.
Stuck in traffic,
Gertrude and Charlotte