Monday, October 14, 2013

Oh, so everyday is "opposite day"?


You know when you were in kindergarten and would say things to your mom like, “these cookies are sooo gross!”?

Your mom would get offended and you immediately responded with your adorable smile (because of course you were an adorable child). “But mom! It’s opposite day! So really they are sooooo yummy!”

That was all cutesy and giggly when you were five since you were practicing your antonyms, but when you have to deal with it in your 20’s, that is when it really is UGLY.

And no, it is not opposite day.
I mean everything I say.

Guys adore, nay, CHERISH, opposite day and practically use it constantly. The trouble is, they don’t verbalize their “oppositional feelings”.  Instead, they merely think it but never bother to tell you.


Guy #1 “Come meet my parents because I want them to see how amazing you are.”

PSYCH-It’s opposite day so really he was thinking, “I don’t want you to meet my parents because I really don’t think things are that serious. Can’t we just watch the last episode of Breaking Bad and call it good?”

Guy #2 “Hey, you should dress up for our date on Friday because we are doing something fancy.”

Never mind, it’s opposite day so really he is thinking, “I don’t want to wear a tie tonight. Carl’s Jr. it is!”

And my personal favorite……

Guy #3 “Hey, I miss you! Come visit me in California. I will even buy you a ticket!”

Fuggetaboutit because it is opposite day and he is really thinking, “Nope, that is not going to happen.”

Sorry if you read this post with the hopes of a solution. There is no solution to this cosmically perplexing conundrum of the male insipience.

Again, woof.


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